The Value of Influence (or, why parenting is never really finished)
We would all probably agree that when we were young we didn’t have perspective. The world was wide open in front of us and we had so much life to live! There was so much we had yet to experience that we were not necessarily eager for Jesus’ coming. Though we loved the Lord, we didn’t want to miss out. We would say things like “I want to get married first.” “I want to have children” I want to… the list was endless. There was much here that held our attention and charmed us. We didn’t fully comprehend the amazing promise of the hope of heaven and, though we looked forward to it ‘someday’, it wasn’t something we thought we were ready for…just yet.
But as we get older, we begin to realize just how flawed this world is. We see the brightness become tarnished. Perhaps we experienced the loss of a loved one or a tragedy close to home and it begins to bring eternity into focus. Our hearts begin to long for heaven because we know that’s where everything is made whole. Our ever-increasing awareness of the brokenness here makes us long for the place and the Person who will bring healing and wholeness. We grow to realize this temporary shadow of a world and of a life are not what we are made for and there is so much more. We begin to await the promise with an eager expectation.
Our sons and daughters are reaching that age and stage when they are, perhaps, not as forward-looking as they should be… or, rather, upward looking. They lack perspective because they lack years and experience.
Our task as parents is not to just ‘raise them right and hope for the best’. We are not done parenting when our sons and daughters step out on their own. Our parenting changes, yes, but it doesn’t stop. We should be just as committed to impressing the Truth on them as we were when they were little, but our tactics need to be appropriate to the age and the now adult-to-adult relationship that our grown sons and daughters need and deserve.
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:15-17
Titus 2 gives us a great explanation of what God tasks us with as we mature and become the ‘older men’ and ‘older women’. It explains the responsibility we have to build up the next generation of believers. The chapter calls us to teach the younger men and women how to live godly lives- but to do that, we need to be always learning too! There is so much at stake. If we are Christ-followers, our lives should reflect that at every opportunity and it should not stop for our sons and daughters simply because they’ve created their own home and family. Our influence as parents does not and should not stop.
Titus 2:1-3, 11-14
1 You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine.
2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good….
11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.
12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
So, what should this look like? First, everything we teach, what we say and do, must stem from and be connected to sound doctrine. And what is that? It’s teaching that is without error. That takes us right back to scripture. We, as the older men and women, need to study, to learn, to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and give us discernment and discretion. It is an intentional pursuit of God’s Truth. We cannot influence others rightly if we’re not pursuing righteousness ourselves.
We must also be cautious as we sit under the teaching of others. It’s not about the position, status, and power of the individual who is teaching- if that’s becomes the method by which we evaluate truth, that can lead to error because we become enamored, following the person but neglecting to weigh and evaluate the accuracy of their teaching against the standard of Scripture. When we make assumptions about accuracy because of someone’s popularity, reputation and/or position, we become foolish, not wise. It’s okay to question what you hear and compare it to what Scripture says. Paul praised the Bereans for doing just that! (Acts 17:11)
Following the pursuit of sound in doctrine (an ever-continuing process of learning), Paul calls us, as the older adults, to some very specific tasks and responsibilities. Gentlemen, you are called to be temperate (sober), worthy of respect (have an honorable character), self-controlled and sound (uncorrupt and wholesome) in faith, love and endurance. That’s a big task with qualities that do not come naturally. They require maturity in faith and depth of knowledge of the Truth and an active, intentional pursuit of Christ and submission to the Holy Spirit. It requires honest introspection with the Word of God as your standard of comparison. It requires humility and authenticity.
Ladies, we also are called to some hefty challenges. We are to be reverent (actions and words that reflect God) in the way we live (our behavior and attitudes), we are not to be a slanderer or a gossip (watch your tongue…and watch how you share ‘prayer requests’), we are not be enslaved to things that would control us (Paul mentions wine, but insert whatever it is that would command our life, our love and attention, our choices other than God…ie: an idol) and we are to teach what is good (or, be a teacher of goodness).
We are called to teach, but here’s the thing. We can become really good at telling others how they should live. But if we’re not first inspecting and correcting our own lives, how can we then have the credibility to teach others to do so? If we’re not living it ourselves, our words lack integrity and any authority we might try to wield really has no power or influence. We’re ‘full of air’ and our words lack substance. We need to go back to that first instruction- know sound doctrine.
None of this is generated or sustained by our own ability or godliness. It’s generated and sustained by God’s presence and power in our lives.
2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
HIS divine power. Not our own. We are set apart and called. We are tasked with teaching those who are younger than we, whether they are our own sons and daughters or those related to us because of the family of God.
Let’s not lose focus, friends. Let’s not neglect our calling. Parenting doesn’t end because the kids grow up. Parenting should not stop because they’ve ‘aged out’ of childhood into adulthood. Parenting is taking every opportunity to share wisdom, to encourage and challenge, and to build up the faith of our sons and daughters, and those younger people God puts in our lives, in ways that are beneficial to them and to others. It is embracing our role as the ‘older’ to teach, encourage and guide the ‘younger’ to walk faithfully with Christ. Whether you have children or not, you are part of the family of God and there are those in the family who need the godly influence of an older, more seasoned believer. One who is still eager to learn more about God and increase their faith and their faithfulness until the day they stand before Him in glory. We need to live out the example until we become a part of that ‘cloud of witnesses’.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Today, let’s pray for one another that we would have a hunger and thirst for righteousness. Pray that we would continue to learn sound doctrine so that we can teach and encourage correctly. Pray that we would be fully dependent on the grace of God to empower and guide our learning, our words, our actions and our lives so that our testimony would impact and encourage those around us who are younger and who need godly examples that model how to wait well for the blessed hope.
Titus 2: 11-13 “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,”
“Father, You have called us to be examples in how we live and influence others because, whether or not we intend to be, we are an influence. Help us to recognize that our words and actions make an impact and help us to speak and act wisely. Help us, as parents, to find effective ways to continue impressing Your Truth on our sons and daughters, ways that respect their adulthood but that allow them to understand they still have much to learn. Remind us that we are still learning, too. And if we don’t think we are or should be, teach us Lord to look and listen for You and to understand that until we stand before You, there will always be much to learn. Mold us into Titus 2 men and women who speak into the next generation with Godly wisdom and who act in ways that show others that Jesus lives in us. Help us to wait for that blessed hope- Your glorious appearing and I pray that we would not be ashamed at Your coming, but would rejoice that our faith becomes sight! Oh, Lord, move and work in this next generation. Raise them up to be mighty men and women of faith who speak boldly for Jesus. Give them a passion for You and compassion for those who don’t yet know You. I pray these things in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Pray without ceasing