Helping Our Children Grieve Well
“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.” Psalm 31:9
No one wants to see their child grieve, it’s heart-breaking. As parents, we just want to ease the pain and reassure them all will be well. We want to see them have joy once again. It’s a helpless feeling and a difficult process to witness. It’s one of those parenting things that no one prepares you for, yet it happens to all of us.
Whether it be the end of a relationship, a broken engagement, the loss of a friendship, the death of a loved one, or the collapse of a dream, it’s all painful and there is little we can do to make it better. Grief is deep and the pain can be life-altering. We need to be careful that we don’t gloss over it with a sweet “it’ll be okay, there will be others” response. We have to be respectful of their experience and carry their grief and sorrow with care. Even if we know for certain that it won’t be a lasting grief, in the moment it is all-consuming and to lighten it with insensitive comments can erode the trust our sons and daughters have for us.
Perhaps it’s grief over sin. We don’t often consider that as part of a grieving process, but it is certainly a valid and Biblical point. Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn” isn’t addressing the death of a loved one, but grief over sin. When we mourn our sin, we align our heart with God’s, Whose grief over man’s sin propelled Him to the cross to pay the penalty for our sin and offer a way of redemption and restoration with God.
As difficult as grief is, we also don’t want to avoid it- God brought it for a purpose. He made our emotions and we are made in His image. We want to help our sons and daughters embrace grief mindfully and process it well.
The grieving process can be equated to crossing a bridge. It’s the transition from what was, the ‘old’ settled place, to what is happening right now- the new, unfamiliar and unsettled place in process, shaky and unfamiliar, to the hope of what will one day be a new normal, a resettledness that, although different, feels comfortable and okay. The catch is, we don’t always recognize that process, nor do we tend to manage it intentionally. Too often we let grief run its course, carrying us along as it does. We become a passenger of its ebb and flow, helpless, just waiting until it settles.
https://www.traininternational.org/blog/blog-post-bridge-of-transition
It’s important that when our sons and daughters grieve (and they will) that we are cognizant of the process (pictured in the graphic above) and we encourage them effectively through each stage. It’s especially crucial in that ‘in between’ stage, because that is often when the anger, depression, and deep loss are felt most keenly and where the one grieving can be struggling the most. It is where the loss is manifested in confusion and hard emotions and it is when our sons and daughters will need wise, effective support.
We can’t just tell them to get over it, to ‘keep calm and carry on’. We have to be intentional in what we say and how we encourage. We may not be able to empathize, but we can show compassion, we can be a source of strength and encouragement, and we can pray them through it.
https://www.adaptconsultingcompany.com/2023/11/01/the-bridges-transition-model/
Grief is a response to the loss of someone or something for which we held a deep love and sense of purpose. Grief can accompany a move from one place to another, a job change, a closed door or the end of a chapter in life. Many MK kids (and even PKs and military kids) experience this grieving process when they move to a new mission field, change churches or change duty stations or leave their home abroad to return to the US for university. It's letting go of what was, even if you’re not ready. It's embracing what lies ahead, even if you don’t want to. It’s the losses. It’s all the goodbyes and farewells, knowing that you may never return. It is one thing to leave home…it’s another to leave and know you will never return to that place. That’s hard to accept. Yet Jesus is in it all- of course He is. He is Sovereign. He is Omnipresent. He is LORD.
As believers, we sometimes chide ourselves for sad or angry emotions, those shown in the ‘leaving, chaos, and in-between’ stages. But, emotions are not sin. Scripture shows us examples of so many of these. Consider Elijah who was burnt out and overwhelmed in dealing with the abuse and resistance of Ahab and Jezebel. God didn’t chide him, He cared for him and gave him rest and nourishment. Consider Naomi, who grieved her husband and sons. God didn't take her to task for grieving, He brought others alongside to walk through the grief with her, Ruth and later, Boaz. Then He blessed her with Obed, a sweet grandson who restored Naomi’s hope and joy.
Emotions are not sin, but wallowing in them and allowing them to become our god is sin. When we allow emotions to rule and overcome us so that they are all we’re focused on and they are what directs our thoughts and our actions, that is sin. When we allow them to be the excuse for bad behavior, bad attitudes, and justification for rebellion, it is sin.
Understand, too, deep grief IS all-consuming. And it goes hand in hand with overwhelming, long-lasting emotions. There is no prescripted, appropriate length of time, after which those emotions settle and evaporate. The process is different for each one. How we choose to handle the process is key.
So what can a parent do?
Identify where your son or daughter is in the grieving process. If parents can take a step back and understand where they are in the grief journey, it can give perspective and guide the support and encouragement.
Support them mindfully. When they’re ready, help your son or daughter honestly look at the transition bridge and identify where they are in it. Helping them to see that what they’re experiencing is normal and there is an end to the chaos and confusion that accompanies grief can help them be a bit more mindful of the emotions they’re experiencing and why. Help them to recognize that there is a progression and they’re not just ‘stuck’. If they have context for what is happening, it can provide some reassurance and hope.
Encourage your children to talk to Jesus, to tell Him all that they’re feeling and how overwhelmed they are with it all. He already knows, but opening that communication with Him enables them to begin to listen to Him. It helps them be honest with what they’re thinking and feeling. Far too often, we bury our grief, hide it from others because it’s not well-received or others don’t understand. We put on a mask to pretend everything is okay. God is in the midst of the process and He has a purpose in it. But that is yet to be seen. Pointing to that fact too soon may exaggerate the difficult emotions. It’s a realization that the grieving one has to recognize in time. Talking to Jesus begins a healing process. Tell them to pray out loud, pray while they’re walking, pray prostrate, pray anytime, anywhere. Open communication with the Lord will begin to transform their heart and mind.
So, how can we manage the grief and the transition from what was to what is to what will be?
Take every thought captive. Much of the battle of grief and depression is fought in the mind. This is not a ‘mind over matter’ approach. That is a tendency to ignore or suppress thoughts and emotions. No, the one grieving needs to acknowledge the emotions and work through them, but they also must be intentional to set their mind on things above (Col. 3). That’s hard in the grieving process and it takes time. Grief makes us vulnerable in so many ways. We need to be intentional that we are spiritually protected and not an easy target for the enemy.
Identify where your hope is anchored. If your hope is set on the resolution or the healing, it is misplaced. When we hope for an outcome, we are far too often disappointed, disillusioned, and crushed once again. Outcomes are inconsistent, they change, they rarely result in what we hope for or imagine. No, our hope must be anchored in Christ, the Eternal One, the All-Sufficient One, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is unchanging…and isn’t that where we want our hope secured? Hope is the eager expectation of something good, and if we know our Bible, we know that this world is not where that is delivered. God’s good is stored up for us in eternity. We have treasure in Heaven, we are part of His family and He’s prepared a place for us to live eternally with Him. When we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, He strengthens and equips us to endure the hardship here because we know He redeems everything and makes beauty out of ashes. He will wipe away every tear. When our hope is anchored in Jesus, we have a steady, unchanging, eternal hope that can weather any storm.
Finally, we must worship in our grief. Worshipping in grief can be a sweet, restorative time between the griever and the Savior. There is something healing about being outside in nature. All of creation knows its Creator and if we sit and listen, we can hear the response of creation to Him. Listen to the wind in the trees, the song of the birds, the chirp and hum of the crickets and bugs. Psalm 96:12 says “Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.” and Psalm 148 calls for all creation to praise the Lord. Darkness and light cannot dwell together. Shut out the noise of the world. Allow the Spirit to speak to your heart. Praise drives away the darkness and helps us refocus our hearts and minds on the Lord. Time outside, spent listening to creation, reading Psalms, and even listening to praise and worship music can be healing.
Grieving can make us more like Jesus. That’s not usually something someone in grief wants to hear, yet, `Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He knew the loss of a loved one; His father, Joseph, died at some point during Jesus’ earthly life. God can use grief to deepen our understanding of Him. Deep love for humanity and the grief over sin is what brought Jesus to the cross. God understands our grief and can use it for our good and for His glory.
Don’t be afraid to embrace grief as a gift. Pray for your sons and daughters to embrace it well, to be submitted to the Lord and His refining process, and to praise Him that He is Present and working through it all. He has not abandoned you and He will not. Though we cannot see a way forward, He is the way-maker. Trust Him, lean into Him. Cling tightly.
“Father, grief is so painful. I know you understand because you watched Your Son grieve- the rejection of His peers, the loss of His earthly father, the betrayal of those closest to Him- Peter’s denial three times while He was being beaten and wrongly accused- all of those and so many more. How did You watch and not intervene? Your love for us enabled You to allow your Son to suffer. It was for Your glory and our good. Lord, I hate to see (name) suffer. Yet I know it is in the hard, painful times that we grow closer to You, we understand Your heart more clearly and we deepen our faith. Father, give (name) hope…no just temporary hope, but deep, abiding hope in Jesus. Help (name) to have assurance that no matter what happens here, You have a purpose and a plan forward. Surround them with other believers who will speak into their life, or who will be a quiet strength to support them through the grief. Lord, bring Scripture to mind that will encourage them and help them set their mind on things above. I pray, Holy Spirit, that You would be the Comforter they need, reassuring them that, although things feel out of control, You are very much in control and You are tempering everything that touches them, even the hard and painful things. Oh, Jesus, I know You understand. You are a Man of sorrow, acquainted with grief. You took on all of our sin, our pain, our shame. You carried this grief that (name) is walking through long before the situation ever occured. We can trust You. I pray that You would increase (name)’s faith and trust today. Give me discernment to support them well. Guard my mouth so that the words I speak would bring encouragement, salt, and light. Guide my steps so that the actions I take would be helpful and supportive. Lord, give light to this situation so that we can see Your hand at work and praise you for it. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
Reflections on Psalm 138: Our Calls Don’t Go Unanswered
“When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.” Psalm 138:3
Does God really hear us when we call? If you’ve been crying out, with little to no response, it may feel like your cries are unheard.
But remember when our children were infants? We heard their cry and quickly moved to meet their needs. But sometimes that meant doing something elsewhere before we came to their side because we were preparing to meet their needs in the best possible way. Maybe we sprinted to the kitchen to grab a bottle or stopped by the laundry room to grab a fresh sleeper and blanket. Regardless, we knew there was a need and we were working to meet it. Yet to our crying baby, it seemed like their cries were unheard. They didn’t see us working.
How many times have you cried out to God and your cries are met with silence…or so you thought?
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Ps 34:17
The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. Prov 15:29
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Ps 40:1
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. PS 116:1
God is faithful to hear us when we call and he’s always working according to His plan.
He’s not indifferent and He doesn’t ignore us until we cry harder, louder, or get more desperate. That’s not Who He is. That’s not how He works.
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. Deuteronomy 7:9
God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. I Cor 1:9
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he. Deut 32:4
God is a good Father.
He moves to meet our needs. Sometimes that involves other people, in other places, at various times and seasons, in ways we don’t see or perceive. Yet God is always working; nothing will thwart His will. No obstacle will stand in His way. We need to trust Him- what is our alternative? To whom else can we turn? There is no other name and there is no other Power that can intervene in divine and perfect ways.
The challenge for us is the waiting. We don’t like to wait. We live in an instant society where we get immediate results. There’s no more waiting weeks for a reply by mail when we can simply text or email and get a reply within minutes..or even seconds. We get drive-through coffee, drive through lunch, and we can even get drive-through church. So, we tend to think that God works the same way because He is able, right? And why wouldn’t He want to meet a need, fix a problem or redeem a disaster as quickly as possible? Why wouldn’t He deliver immediate results, instant relief, and on-demand solutions? Yet, in the waiting, we learn more about Him. Sometimes God slows us down so we can listen and watch and in so doing, learn more about Who He is and how He works, we begin to treasure His attributes- His Sovereignty, His Immutability, His Omnipotence, His Omnipresence.
The theology of sourdough…
When we make sourdough (it’s a thing, I know… I have yet to dive into the process, but it’s fascinating), it all begins with the starter. And that starter is fed over days…weeks, until it’s ready to use. During that process we watch, we look for signs that there is fermentation and growth, we check the sources that tell us what a mature starter looks like, smells like, and what signs show that it’s ready. Then, a bit of the mature starter is mixed with the other ingredients to begin the breadmaking process. But even then, it’s still not ready. The dough that’s been mixed needs to proof and rise. But all the while, from the time we make our starter until the time we pull that first loaf, warm and golden, from the oven, we know the result will be good, delicious, homemade bread that will satisfy our hunger. We are willing to endure the process because the results will be satisfying and fulfilling. Oh, friends, do you see the spiritual correlation?
Isn’t that so much like taking things to God in prayer? We can be confident that He WILL answer and that it will be perfect, according to His will. And when we call on Him? He will make us bold and stouthearted. Note that the writer of the Psalm didn’t say God answered His prayer, no, he said that in calling on Him, God made him bold- to embolden, make sure, strengthen (1) and stouthearted-strength in various applications (force, security, majesty, praise):—boldness, loud, might, power, (2). God encouraged his heart because the author called on Him. God answered by strengthening His child, not by solving the problem.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. Ps 55:17
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. Ps 6:9
Why, then, would we rush the God of the Universe and be angry toward Him for working all things according to His will and His timeline, which are perfect and sufficient? Would we have Him rush for our sake? Would we have Him speed the process and lose the depth and beauty of the result? Would we have Him skip over what might be the most meaningful lesson or impact of the situation just to deliver the solution or relief? Do we love God because He delivers or because of Who He is and who He’s made us to be- His children?
We can and should cry out for God’s help daily. We should bring our burdens to Him, fully turning them over to His care and sovereignty. What would we do with our burdens if we kept them to ourselves? We would carry the weight of them, worry over them, try and fix them, but all without success. We must unburden our hearts and minds at the feet of the Savior, first asking for forgiveness of our own sins and then asking for His answer to all that burdens us. Then, we need to trust His process. Let it rise. Let it work. Look forward to the wholesome, nourishing result that will come in God’s perfect time.
If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; PS 66:18
Today, take time to pray to the Lord and surrender your burdens to Him. Then, pray about your sons and daughters and the burdens they carry. But first, root out the sin in your own heart. Make sure that you are right before the Lord. Don’t look at the splinter in the eye of someone else. Deal with the lumber yard in your own heart. Give all of your cares, offenses, arguments, woes, and worries to the Lord. And then, cry out to Him and wait in expectation. He’s listening and He WILL respond. Wait with expectation and hope. He never disappoints!
Today, write out a prayer to the Lord, calling on Him with trust and expectation, reminding yourself that His solutions are always sufficient and on time.
Pray without ceasing.
H7292 - rāhaḇ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h7292/niv/wlc/0-1/
H5797 - ʿōz - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h5797/niv/wlc/0-1/
The Value of Discipline
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11
Ask any parent whose son or daughter has shipped off to boot camp and they’ll tell you… they don’t like to think about what their kids will face when they’re there. The yelling, the humiliation, the long days…and longer nights- it all makes a Momma’s heart ache with concern. We want to protect them from harm and to those looking on, the practices certainly look harmful. We’ve all heard the stories of excruciating exertion and the drills that tax body, mind and spirit - it’s something we’d rather not see our sons or daughters experience. But it’s all part of the training. We might look at it and think that it’s too much, it’s too harsh, it’s overkill. If we were there we might be tempted to step in and put a stop to it, give them all a break, give the drill sergeant the ‘stink eye’ for being too hard and unkind. We’d want to protect them…. But by helping them avoid the testing, we’d actually be doing them harm. All of those hard things are training them for hardship and building discipline that will carry them through. It’s preparing them for war. That’s even harder to think about.
If our soldiers are called upon to defend our country or to assist an ally, they will be stretched beyond their limits and will endure more than they imagined. They will be sleep deprived. They will be exhausted beyond their limits, but still pushed to give more. They will need to think fast, make life-altering decisions and pursue them with conviction. They will face the enemy and they’ll need to know how to respond. Then, we would be glad for the extreme training they endured because it would make us more confident in their ability to withstand the dangers of war and the advances of the enemy. Boot camp is hard and downright painful. But it’s necessary and it’s all designed with the intention of preparing the soldier to survive and to win the battle because the enemy doesn’t fight with compassion…the enemy fights to destroy.
The question is, do we want our sons and daughters to be comfortable or to be victorious? Our sons and daughters are not possibly headed to war, they’re already there. Do they have the spiritual discipline to be victorious?
Do we want our sons and daughters to be comfortable or to be victorious?
God tells us we have an enemy that seeks to destroy us, spiritually.
1 Peter 5:8-10 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
He assures us that we will all face trials, hardships, and opposition, but these will come to test, strengthen, and build our faith so that we can resist the enemy and come out victorious. Without that testing, we wouldn’t be able to stand firm and without discipline, we wouldn’t produce fruit that gives evidence that we belong to Christ.
James 1:2-4 “ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
That word “produce” in Hebrews 12:11 is the word “apodidommi” in Greek and it means “to deliver again, give again, restore, reward and yield.” (1) If we accept God’s plan of discipline and training, it will pay off each and every time we go to battle! The training will make us strong and help us endure and come out victorious.
Are we spiritually prepared and strengthened to go up against the enemy?
Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Friends, it’s not a scheduled conflict. We don’t ‘show up’ for a fight, this is guerilla warfare. The enemy stalks us while we’re unaware, he attacks us when we’re weak and unprepared. He seeks to lean into our weaknesses and bait us with those desires that are not of God. He has armies who advance against us, so we had better be prepared. No discipline is pleasant at the time, but when we’re in the midst of battle, we’ll be thankful for it, because it will produce a harvest of peace and righteousness. It will protect us from defeat. It will be the strength and preparation we need to be steadfast against the enemy and to be victorious in Jesus Christ.
We can’t balk if our sons and daughters are called into a spiritual boot camp, because that tells us God is preparing them to be stronger, more secure in their faith, and for a greater work for His kingdom. So, rather than worry about how WE can protect them, let’s get on our knees FOR them. Pray for their endurance. Pray for their strength. Pray that they can see, with spiritual eyes, what God is calling them to and preparing them for. Pray that they remain steadfast and see beyond the realm of the tangible to the spiritual realm where they will do battle with the enemy. And pray for victory.
“Almighty Father, You are Sovereign over all my son or daughter may face today. I pray that You would strengthen (name) to walk unwaveringly with You. Keep their steps firm and make their path straight. Give (name) confidence to trust You, even when life gets difficult. Don’t let (name) weaken or lose their grip, but help them cling tightly to You. Carry them through the hardships they may face today and in the coming days. Increase their faith. Call to mind Scripture that will encourage them and keep them focused on You. I pray, Father, that You would guard them in Jesus’ name. Protect them from the enemy. When they are pressed on every side, surround them with Your Presence. When they are burdened with difficulty, lift them up and train their eyes to look to You. When they are in deep waters, hold back the waves with Your mighty hand so they can see the Rock of Salvation to which they must cling. Lord, build in them the discipline they need to remain faithful to You. I pray this all in the name and through the blood of Jesus, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
G591 - apodidōmi - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g591/niv/mgnt/0-1/
Authentic Rest
As parents, our lives are crazy-busy, right? We’re continuously running after something, putting out fires, or trying to stay two steps ahead. It’s exhausting. As our sons and daughters become adults, the ‘busy’ doesn’t stop, it just shifts to other things. Then, we watch as our kids juggle,and run, and try to keep up. It doesn’t stop. Many will admit they’re in desperate need of rest. But so few know how to actually embrace and enjoy authentic rest. Where do we find it? How can we get it?
Jesus said, ““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”” Matthew 11:28 Could it really be that simple?
Come to me all you who are weary. That word “weary” is the word “kopiao” in Greek and it means “exhausted with toils and burdens” (1), but it’s from the root word “kopos” which means “a beating, intense labor united with trouble and toil” (2) It’s true. Sometimes we feel as if life is giving us a beating…and each day compounds with the next until we’re barely able to cope. We’re not thriving. We are weary.
But that’s not all. We’re not just weary, we’re burdened. The Greek word is “phortizo” which means loaded with spiritual anxiety, burdensome requirements (3). Jesus was addressing the rules of the Jews- so burdensome that no one could ever measure up. But today, we are often burdened by the unrealistic examples set before us, the ‘influencers’ who look as if they have it all together, success at work, brilliant happy children, a beautiful home and the perfect figure…both in income and body. They have it all together and we just can’t measure up. We feel defeated. And it’s not just in the world, it’s in the church. We’re loaded with unrealistic man-made expectations that weigh us down.
Jesus calls us to come to Him. That’s the first step in pursuing rest. We need to make the choice. We choose so many of the ‘cares’: care-giver, care-taker, self-care, healthcare…but we often forget soul care. And that, friends, is where the weariness settles into our hearts and minds and weighs on us like no other burden can. We need to stop looking all around us and simply look to Him. We need to come. We don’t need to bring a gift, prepare a meal, or get all ‘gussied up’. We come as we are. That’s how Jesus wants us.
And what will happen when we come? Oh, when we come, He promises rest. The word ‘rest’ in Greek is “anapauo” which means “to cause or permit one to cease from any movement or labor in order to recover and collect his strength; to keep quiet, of a calm and patient expectation” (4) It is rooted in two other words: ‘ana’ - into the midst, or to cause motion upward (5) and ‘pauo’- to make to cease and desist, to refrain a person from something (6). Jesus steps into the midst of our busy crazy life and brings a pause and calls us upward, to Him. He calls us to stop and recover. He calls us from burning ourselves out with all of the ‘doing’ and to pause and enjoy ‘being’ in His Presence.
Oh, don’t we long to have someone say to us “Come here so you can just stop and rest, lay down your burdens and worries and take time to recover and collect your strength., enjoy the calm and take your time, there’s no rush”? Breathe that in for a moment, friends. THAT is rest! And that’s what Jesus promises us. We don’t have to earn it. We don’t need to buy it. There are no prerequisites. Jesus’ rest is free for those who come. Far too often, we’re rushing to and fro, so much so, that we can’t stop… we don’t stop…and we bemoan our weariness and wish someone would allow us time to rest and would give us refreshment for our body, mind and soul. Jesus has. He does.
We set examples for our sons and daughters in so many things…but have we shown them how to properly, intentionally rest? Have we communicated that rest is not laziness and that soul-care is not selfish? Have we lived “coming to Jesus and resting” so they can see it modeled?
Friends, let’s pray today that we and our sons and daughters learn how to Come to Jesus with our weariness and step away from unrealistic expectations. Let’s pray that we allow Jesus to step into the midst and reminds us to cease our striving and simply rest in Him. Let’s enjoy the calm of sitting with Jesus and not rush on to the next thing. Let’s take enough time that we recover our strength for what He’s calling us to, not running after what the world tells us we need to do. Jesus will give us rest. We need to be intentional to step into it.
“Father, You call us to come to You for rest, yet we seem to struggle with that. We crave relief and recovery, yet we look everywhere else but to You. We fall into the trap of busyness and always ‘doing’ but we struggle to just ‘be’ in your Presence. Help us today to come to You to rest. Give us refreshment. Unburden our hearts and minds and still our restless spirits. I pray that You would help me model this well to others, especially to (name). Lord, I pray that (name) would learn quickly to look to Jesus for the remedy for their weary body, mind and soul. Don’t let us be distracted by the pace of this life or discouraged by influencers who would set unrealistic standards. You are the Standard. Let us look to You, only, and trust that You are working in us to fulfill Your plan in Your time. Lord, give us willing hearts to follow after You and rest in You. Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (Heb. 13:20-21)
Pray without ceasing.
1. G2873 - kopos - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2873/niv/mgnt/0-1/
2. G2873 - kopos - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2873/niv/mgnt/0-1/
3. G5412 - phortizō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5412/niv/mgnt/0-1/
4. G373 - anapauō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g373/niv/mgnt/0-1/
5. G303 - ana - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g303/niv/mgnt/0-1/
A Prescription for Love
Mark 12:28-30 “One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’”
So much of life is performance based, isn’t it? We’re always evaluated by what we can say, do and accomplish. We get jobs based on our experience and skills. We gain friends and followers with our words and actions. We earn awards and recognition by our accomplishments. So, when it comes to our spiritual lives, it’s no wonder we often misunderstand what God expects of us and how we should love Him. So many ‘religions’ put emphasis on effort…man’s effort, in order to gain God’s love and approval.
What if…..what if we just followed Jesus’ words? What if we simply believed and obeyed? What if we removed all of the labels: “Baptist”…“Presbyterian”… “Methodist”, “teacher”, “preacher”, “member” and we were simply known as a “Christ-followers”? What if we simply loved Christ and, in loving Him, were able to let others see Him in and through us? It’s what Jesus calls us to do.
But the teachers of the law were very concerned about rules. They wanted to keep the law to a “T”. They missed the truth of the gospel in the midst of their obsessions with following rules. Too often, it seems, we do the same. We check boxes or sign statements that affirm we believe the right things. We do ‘all the things’ that demonstrate our commitment. But it becomes works based and we pat ourselves on the back for being so dedicated, so knowledgeable, so … ‘Christian’. Yet, we lack the very thing that God says is most important.
In Mark 12:30, Jesus told the teachers of the law what the most important commandment was- “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’”
He calls us to love Him. The Greek word used here is ‘agapaio’ (1) which means to welcome and entertain, to be fond of and to love dearly. It also means to be well-pleased and contented. Are we contented with Christ or do we seek out other people and things to fill us? Do we rely on our efforts and associations to prove our faith or are we so in love with Jesus that everything is an outpouring of that relationship?
Next, He says we should love with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. Isn’t it curious that Jesus doesn’t talk about emotions? Far too often we equate ‘love’ with how we ‘feel’, but emotions are a by-product, not the source of love. Hence, if people are dependent on emotions, they fall in and out of love because their feelings change; they no longer ‘feel’ for that other the way they once did. Jesus says, first we must love Him with our heart- the seat and center of our physical and spiritual life, the inner man (2).
Then He calls us to love Him with our soul-the very breath of life He breathed into us when He created us. Our soul is that spiritual force that animates the body and is not dissolved by death. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says God has set eternity in the heart of man. Our soul is ‘built’ for eternity. It is the spiritual part of us that can truly connect with God (3). It is the part of us that is drawn to that very relationship with Him.
Then, Jesus asks us to love Him with our mind- the faculty of understanding, feeling, and desiring (4). When we love with our mind, we make a choice to intentionally choose to commit our lives to Jesus. It’s a rational decision based on our understanding of Who God is and how He loves us.
Finally, Jesus calls us to love Him with all of our strength. That is what the Greek defines as might, ability, force, to hold oneself to a thing, be joined to- to the extent of one’s ability (5). He wants us to cling to Him with all that is in us.
Do our sons and daughters love Jesus well? Or, do we hear them saying “I just don’t ‘feel’ close to the Lord.”? Today, let’s pray that they will love the Lord with all their heart- the center of their being, with all their soul- the very part of them that connects to eternity, with all of their mind- an intentional choice to pursue Christ, and with all of their strength- clinging to Jesus with every ounce of ability He provides.
“Father, You love us so well. Thank You for being constant, faithful, unshakeable and merciful to us in our weakness. I pray for (name) today. Help them to pursue You with all that they are and have. Remind them it’s not about ‘feelings’ but about faith, commitment, and a choice to follow Jesus with all they have and all they are. It’s about obedience-no matter what. Lord, I ask that You would work in (name)’s heart- the very center of who You created them to be. Lord, You knew them before You formed them in the womb. Stir in their heart a desire to live for You. Draw them, Lord, and speak to their soul. Cause (name) to thirst after You (Ps. 63:1). Give them a longing for more than what this temporary world can offer. Satisfy them with a love that is far deeper and more fulfilling than any they’ve ever known. Lord, give them a clear understanding that committing to and loving Jesus is what they were created to do. Help them to make the intentional, wise choice to follow in obedience and love You with all that they are. Give them strength to follow through on their commitment, especially when life gets hard. Lord, in those difficult times, we waver, we falter, we lose strength and we despair. Sometimes our frail hearts and minds can’t understand and embrace the enormity of Your love and of Your promises to us. We filter things through our own human experience and understanding- but You are so much more!! Lord, I pray that today, (name) would see and understand how much You love them. I pray they would catch a glimpse of the beauty and soul-embracing love of God. Help them be satisfied, as with the richest of foods and may their lips praise You (Ps 63:5). I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
Sit on the Rock
Exodus 17:10-13 “So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.”
Even though our sons and daughters are young, it doesn't mean they don’t grow weary. Physical weariness can happen to anyone. Young to old all grow weary. The young ones fall asleep anywhere- it’s cute and everyone understands. Yet, as we grow older, there is less tolerance for being tired, so we hide it. But it shows itself in other ways. You can see weariness in someone’s eyes. Their posture may become bent, their gait slows and their energy level loses its ‘sparkle’. Physical weariness isn’t difficult to spot. Spiritual weariness is more subtle and often better hidden. But it happens..to young and old alike. We need to be aware. And we need to be ready to offer support.
When God instructed Moses to hold his arms in the air to ensure Israel’s victory, it must have been invigorating...for the first few minutes. But as the minutes dragged into hours, Moses struggled. The physical drain was immense, but the spiritual burden was just as great. Israel’s success was dependent on Moses' obedience. If he let his arms fall, Israel would fall as well.
So, rather than berate him for getting weary or simply using words to urge him onward, Moses’ friends came alongside him, helped him sit down and, while he rested on a rock, they held up his arms for him. They carried the weight while he rested...on the rock.
There is a lot of spiritual symbolism in that, and a message we can carry to encourage our sons, daughters, friends and others. Rather than simply share ‘words’ or ‘kind thoughts’, let’s encourage those who are weary by offering them a seat on the Rock. Take them to Jesus in prayer and encouragement. And don’t just ‘drop them there’ but stand with them, hold them up, be the strength they need to remain until the battle is won.
Today, let’s pray the following for our sons and daughters:
That they would gladly take their seat on the Rock.
They would find rest in the Lord.
That when life is hard, Godly friends would uphold them and carry the burden with them until the battle is won.
That our sons and daughters would understand they don’t need to be strong on their own- God will sustain them and provide brothers and sisters in Christ to stand with them...and that they would accept that help, encouragement and support.
Pray without ceasing