What IS Perfect Love?
Ah, we all long for that ‘perfect love’ don’t we? As parents, we hope and pray our sons and daughters will find ‘the one’. When the main character looks at his love interest and says, “You complete me”, we melt and hope that someone, someday, would say the same to us. We all love a sweet love story and a beautiful wedding. We gush over the newlyweds as the “perfect couple” with a perfect love. Everything is rosy.
And then life happens. What was once beautiful can become ugly. What was once perfect compatibility becomes irreconcilable differences. Love as we know it can fade and cool. Its endurance and length of days are terminal. Love is used as a tool for manipulation, a weapon to gain control, a bargaining chip to leverage and win battles. It is meted out to those ‘deserving’ of it and withheld from those who do not. There are separations and divorces, and attempts to try again, after the healing. Love between two people will never be perfect because we’re all flawed and sinful and in reality, perfect love seems elusive. We are prone to hurt one another because, at the heart, we are selfish people, aren’t we? We all want and need something in return. And when we look to another flawed person to fill that void, we expect them to provide something that, in their limited capacity, they cannot perfectly supply.
And those are the parameters by which we, as fallen sinners, learn to define love. We are finite and our experiences and understanding are as well. We have an incorrect, even corrupt, understanding of love. We must ask, are we setting our sons and daughters up for a Biblical understanding of love, especially if we’ve experienced flawed relationships, hurt, pain, and disappointment ourselves. What have our sons and daughters witnessed to shape their understanding of love?
God tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18. What is perfect love? The word perfect in Greek is the word “telios” which means to be complete, lacking nothing to be brought to full completion (1). And love, agape, means affection, goodwill or benevolence, to be charitable (see a need and move to fill it) (2).
But nothing we see around us seems to fit that description, does it? And love, the lack of love, the need for love and the attempt to find love can generate such fear and heart-crushing disappointment. Oh, friends, this is a prayer point that should drive us ALL to our knees- that we, our sons, and our daughters would have a correct, Biblical understanding of love.
Let’s look at perfect love through Scripture:
First, the focus of perfect love never resides with another person, but with God Himself. When we look to another human being, even those who are in the family of God, to provide perfect love, we are expecting them to deliver something that exceeds their capacity and capability. No man (or woman) is perfect. Yes, they can mirror and reflect Christ, but they will never be perfect. Perfect Love is from and in Christ. His love is limitless, boundless, and eternal.
John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Jesus demonstrated that perfect love for us when He gave His life on the cross to pay for our sins and make a way for us to be justified, redeemed and restored to the Father.
Romans 5:8 “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Perfect love is only and always generated from and sustained by God Himself.
Second, God’s love will never fade or become incompatible with us. His love will not cool. He will never become disinterested or disillusioned. His is the ministry of reconciliation, always working and moving to bring us into intimate fellowship with Himself. He’s always reaching out and drawing in.
Colossians 1:19-20 “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in Him (Christ), and through Him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”
Romans 5:17-19 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”
Third, God will always, always, always remain faithful. There is nothing we can do to make Him not love us. He won’t find comfort in the arms of another. He IS perfect love and so He doesn’t need to look elsewhere for it nor does He need us to fulfill His needs. No, He chooses to love us unconditionally so that we will find our complete fulfillment in Him! He completes us!
2 Timothy 2:13 “if we are faithless, He remains faithful, for he cannot disown Himself.”
Deuteronomy 7:9 “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.”
Fourth, our limited minds will always struggle to comprehend the unlimited magnitude of God’s love. Though we try, we always default to what we know and have experienced, and thereby we evaluate God’s love by our own experiences. But that is faulty and, honestly, that’s sinful. We must teach our sons and daughters to have spiritual discretion, Scriptural wisdom and a heart and mind trained to hear the Holy Spirit and submit to and follow His teaching. We cannot judge God by human standards, nor can we gauge His love by what we know in this fallen world. The Apostle Paul gave us a powerful explanation in Ephesians 1.
“Among the mature, however, we speak a message of wisdom—but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.” Ephesians 1:6
The rulers of this age love to tell us what we should believe and how we should think based on their own ‘wisdom’. They continually trot out their standard of “perfect love” that, given time, shows itself as short-lived, broken, and incapable of truly meeting the needs of the ‘other’. It’s faulty.
“Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.” Ephesians 1:9-10
God’s love far exceeds what we could EVER imagine!! Isn’t that mind-blowing? Nothing we’ve ever seen or experienced comes close. It IS perfect, complete, and lacking nothing. And it can be ours. What joy!! What mind-blowing generosity!! Pure, perfect love meeting all our needs and providing eternal security, provision and protection!
Oh that we and our sons and daughters would understand the true and perfect love of God. Let’s be careful not to create our expectation or judgment of perfect love based on what we see around us. Let’s always be cautious and only look to Jesus as our example and as the true lover of our souls. And then, let’s rely on the Holy Spirit to help us live like Jesus toward others, showing selfless, faithful love that isn’t based on what someone does for us, but offered freely because God loves them and created them in His likeness.
Today, let’s pray Ephesians 3:14-19 for our sons and daughters, asking God to help them get a glimpse of His perfect love that will eclipse anything and everything they know and have experienced yet in this life. Go on, pray boldly! Pray with hope! Our God wants to lavish His love on us freely and continually!
“Father, Abba, the One who loves me dearly, I pray in Your Son’s name that You would work in (name)’s heart today. “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen (name) with power through his Spirit in (their) inner being, so that Christ may dwell in (name)’s heart through faith. And I pray that (name), being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that (name) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” May it be so, Lord Jesus. Amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
G5046 - teleios - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5046/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G26 - agapē - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g26/niv/mgnt/0-1/
Authentic Rest
As parents, our lives are crazy-busy, right? We’re continuously running after something, putting out fires, or trying to stay two steps ahead. It’s exhausting. As our sons and daughters become adults, the ‘busy’ doesn’t stop, it just shifts to other things. Then, we watch as our kids juggle,and run, and try to keep up. It doesn’t stop. Many will admit they’re in desperate need of rest. But so few know how to actually embrace and enjoy authentic rest. Where do we find it? How can we get it?
Jesus said, ““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”” Matthew 11:28 Could it really be that simple?
Come to me all you who are weary. That word “weary” is the word “kopiao” in Greek and it means “exhausted with toils and burdens” (1), but it’s from the root word “kopos” which means “a beating, intense labor united with trouble and toil” (2) It’s true. Sometimes we feel as if life is giving us a beating…and each day compounds with the next until we’re barely able to cope. We’re not thriving. We are weary.
But that’s not all. We’re not just weary, we’re burdened. The Greek word is “phortizo” which means loaded with spiritual anxiety, burdensome requirements (3). Jesus was addressing the rules of the Jews- so burdensome that no one could ever measure up. But today, we are often burdened by the unrealistic examples set before us, the ‘influencers’ who look as if they have it all together, success at work, brilliant happy children, a beautiful home and the perfect figure…both in income and body. They have it all together and we just can’t measure up. We feel defeated. And it’s not just in the world, it’s in the church. We’re loaded with unrealistic man-made expectations that weigh us down.
Jesus calls us to come to Him. That’s the first step in pursuing rest. We need to make the choice. We choose so many of the ‘cares’: care-giver, care-taker, self-care, healthcare…but we often forget soul care. And that, friends, is where the weariness settles into our hearts and minds and weighs on us like no other burden can. We need to stop looking all around us and simply look to Him. We need to come. We don’t need to bring a gift, prepare a meal, or get all ‘gussied up’. We come as we are. That’s how Jesus wants us.
And what will happen when we come? Oh, when we come, He promises rest. The word ‘rest’ in Greek is “anapauo” which means “to cause or permit one to cease from any movement or labor in order to recover and collect his strength; to keep quiet, of a calm and patient expectation” (4) It is rooted in two other words: ‘ana’ - into the midst, or to cause motion upward (5) and ‘pauo’- to make to cease and desist, to refrain a person from something (6). Jesus steps into the midst of our busy crazy life and brings a pause and calls us upward, to Him. He calls us to stop and recover. He calls us from burning ourselves out with all of the ‘doing’ and to pause and enjoy ‘being’ in His Presence.
Oh, don’t we long to have someone say to us “Come here so you can just stop and rest, lay down your burdens and worries and take time to recover and collect your strength., enjoy the calm and take your time, there’s no rush”? Breathe that in for a moment, friends. THAT is rest! And that’s what Jesus promises us. We don’t have to earn it. We don’t need to buy it. There are no prerequisites. Jesus’ rest is free for those who come. Far too often, we’re rushing to and fro, so much so, that we can’t stop… we don’t stop…and we bemoan our weariness and wish someone would allow us time to rest and would give us refreshment for our body, mind and soul. Jesus has. He does.
We set examples for our sons and daughters in so many things…but have we shown them how to properly, intentionally rest? Have we communicated that rest is not laziness and that soul-care is not selfish? Have we lived “coming to Jesus and resting” so they can see it modeled?
Friends, let’s pray today that we and our sons and daughters learn how to Come to Jesus with our weariness and step away from unrealistic expectations. Let’s pray that we allow Jesus to step into the midst and reminds us to cease our striving and simply rest in Him. Let’s enjoy the calm of sitting with Jesus and not rush on to the next thing. Let’s take enough time that we recover our strength for what He’s calling us to, not running after what the world tells us we need to do. Jesus will give us rest. We need to be intentional to step into it.
“Father, You call us to come to You for rest, yet we seem to struggle with that. We crave relief and recovery, yet we look everywhere else but to You. We fall into the trap of busyness and always ‘doing’ but we struggle to just ‘be’ in your Presence. Help us today to come to You to rest. Give us refreshment. Unburden our hearts and minds and still our restless spirits. I pray that You would help me model this well to others, especially to (name). Lord, I pray that (name) would learn quickly to look to Jesus for the remedy for their weary body, mind and soul. Don’t let us be distracted by the pace of this life or discouraged by influencers who would set unrealistic standards. You are the Standard. Let us look to You, only, and trust that You are working in us to fulfill Your plan in Your time. Lord, give us willing hearts to follow after You and rest in You. Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (Heb. 13:20-21)
Pray without ceasing.
1. G2873 - kopos - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2873/niv/mgnt/0-1/
2. G2873 - kopos - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2873/niv/mgnt/0-1/
3. G5412 - phortizō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5412/niv/mgnt/0-1/
4. G373 - anapauō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g373/niv/mgnt/0-1/
5. G303 - ana - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g303/niv/mgnt/0-1/
Sit on the Rock
Exodus 17:10-13 “So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.”
Even though our sons and daughters are young, it doesn't mean they don’t grow weary. Physical weariness can happen to anyone. Young to old all grow weary. The young ones fall asleep anywhere- it’s cute and everyone understands. Yet, as we grow older, there is less tolerance for being tired, so we hide it. But it shows itself in other ways. You can see weariness in someone’s eyes. Their posture may become bent, their gait slows and their energy level loses its ‘sparkle’. Physical weariness isn’t difficult to spot. Spiritual weariness is more subtle and often better hidden. But it happens..to young and old alike. We need to be aware. And we need to be ready to offer support.
When God instructed Moses to hold his arms in the air to ensure Israel’s victory, it must have been invigorating...for the first few minutes. But as the minutes dragged into hours, Moses struggled. The physical drain was immense, but the spiritual burden was just as great. Israel’s success was dependent on Moses' obedience. If he let his arms fall, Israel would fall as well.
So, rather than berate him for getting weary or simply using words to urge him onward, Moses’ friends came alongside him, helped him sit down and, while he rested on a rock, they held up his arms for him. They carried the weight while he rested...on the rock.
There is a lot of spiritual symbolism in that, and a message we can carry to encourage our sons, daughters, friends and others. Rather than simply share ‘words’ or ‘kind thoughts’, let’s encourage those who are weary by offering them a seat on the Rock. Take them to Jesus in prayer and encouragement. And don’t just ‘drop them there’ but stand with them, hold them up, be the strength they need to remain until the battle is won.
Today, let’s pray the following for our sons and daughters:
That they would gladly take their seat on the Rock.
They would find rest in the Lord.
That when life is hard, Godly friends would uphold them and carry the burden with them until the battle is won.
That our sons and daughters would understand they don’t need to be strong on their own- God will sustain them and provide brothers and sisters in Christ to stand with them...and that they would accept that help, encouragement and support.
Pray without ceasing