The Ache of a Momma’s Heart
Recently I came across a verse that hit deeply and made me pause. The words were directed to Mary, the brand new mother of the infant Jesus, from Simeon, a priest in the Temple in Jerusalem, when he met and held the newborn Messiah.
“This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” (emphasis added) Luke 2:34-35
Simeon’s words were prophetic and held deep meaning as well as the promise of pain to a mother’s heart. “And a sword will pierce your own soul, too.” Can you imagine hearing that as you hold your week-old baby?
It was a harbinger of what Mary would face as the mother of the Messiah, destined to give His life on the cross, though she likely didn’t comprehend the devastating pain that would come. Jesus would be falsely accused, plotted against, betrayed, beaten, mocked, and then crucified. The many who swore their allegiance would turn away. Those that professed their love for Him would cool and grow indifferent. The sword that ultimately pierced His side would, in effect, pierce the very soul of the mother who loved Him beyond words, not just as her Son, but as her Savior and Lord. Pause for a moment and think about it. She would watch as her Son grew into manhood, into ministry, and into His role as Redeemer - the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world (Rev. 13:8)
Mary didn’t know the resurrection would follow Jesus’ death, though He’d said as much. She only knew that her firstborn, the child of her heart and faith, was experiencing indescribable suffering. Imagine the torment of her heart. Imagine the deep ache and angst she carried as she watched Him endure. Imagine the crushed hopes and dreams. Mary could teach us a bit about being a mother. She endured in spite of the sword that pierced her very soul.
Here’s the thing. Mary knew she was the woman God chose to bring Jesus into this fallen world and that He wasn’t born for her alone. She was cognizant, from the start, that this child was chosen and holy. God had a purpose and plan. Mary might not have understood all that would unfold, but from the start, she believed and trusted God more than the voices and circumstances surrounding her.
It’s a good reminder. God chose us to be the parents of our children, whether by birth, adoption, or children of the heart. He ordained that relationship because it was His will and His plan. Nothing is by chance. Everything has a purpose. We know that with deep love, comes also the need for willingness to sacrifice, endure pain, suffer hardship, but also to delight in joy, and to accept the unexpected- both good and bad. God is Sovereign. Ultimately, as parents, we must also remember and be prepared that, “A sword will pierce your own soul, too.” Because loving another means enduring what may come and releasing our hopes and dreams for what God may design or allow. It can bring an ache that only the Lord can soothe.
The real question is, will we allow our deep ache to define us? Will we allow it to eclipse the Presence and power of the Lord in our own life? Mary didn’t. No, she trusted God fully, even when she didn’t understand. She stepped aside when it was time for Jesus’ ministry to begin. She didn’t demand that He remain at home. She didn’t try to engineer His next steps. She didn’t choose His friendships or His career path. She trusted God to guide His steps. She knew that He knew best and she was willing to trust Him and let Him have His way.
The wedding in Cana saw a shift in the mother-Son relationship. She stepped back and she encouraged others to do whatever Jesus told them to (John 2). We should take lessons from Mary. We need to encourage our children to do whatever Jesus tells them to and go where He leads…whether it keeps them close by or takes them around the world, whether it keeps them surrounded and safe or leaves them vulnerable and at risk in the path of danger. There is no better, or safer, place for our sons and daughters to be than in the will of the Lord, wherever that may be, whether in an office or in the line of duty. If we’re praying for a prodigal, we need to surrender them wholly to God, over and over, assuring our own aching heart that God is capable of saving them from their own rebellion and foolishness and that God must have His way because our way is limited and insufficient.
Godly parenting demands that we lean into and on the Lord, relying on His strength and guidance, otherwise we will crumble under the weight of what it requires from us. Consider this:
Mary trusted God more than she trusted her feelings.
She allowed God’s promises to assure her more than the circumstances surrounding her.
She believed God’s plan, though it may have been obscured, more than what she could see and experience around her.
She chose to find solace and comfort in God, even through the deepest, searing pain she knew as a mother, because she knew God was faithful and she trusted Him.
We don’t hear much about Mary after the crucifixion because, really, the story isn’t about her. She was God’s servant. She allowed herself to be used by God, placed in circumstances and surrounded by people who were all ordained to be part of Jesus’ story. And really, that’s our role in our children’s lives as well. We are here to guide, teach, support, and encourage them to follow Jesus. We are part of His story too, but we may need to step back and allow the Lord to do what He wills rather than engineer our own safe, successful outcome for our sons and daughters. It may not be safe. It may not be sweet. It may ask more of us that we are comfortable or willing to give. But here is the question, are we willing to trust the Lord? Are we willing to endure the sword to our soul in order to raise sons and daughters who give theirs to the Lord?
Let’s pray that the Lord uses that ache to pull us closer to Him, more fervent in prayer and more focused on eternal things.
“Oh, dear Father- the One who loves me more than I know, please soothe my aching heart today. I know that my aching heart is a symptom of my love for (name). But Lord, it can also be a result of a lack of trust. Lord, help me to surrender (name) to You and Your will. Give me confidence in Christ that wherever they go, whatever they do, they are not beyond Your protection and provision (Ps. 139). “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong and do not fear; your God will come,” Isa. 35:3-4a. I know You understand the ache of a parent’s heart, dear Lord, because You see your children in their foolishness and rebellion. You see them strut in pride and independence. You long to have a deep, abiding relationship with each of us. You know the ache, Lord. I pray that You would daily remind me when I feel the throb of Momma’s heart, that it be a reminder to get on my knees and talk with You. Lord, let it drive me to depend on You, lean into You, and trust You for (name)’s every moment, their protection and provision. Lord, help me to trust You more than my feelings that will lie, deceive, and distract me. Help me to cling to Your promises, not the hint of a changing tide or a glimmer of hope. Help me to trust Your plan and not engineer my own. Lord, help me to rest under the shadow of Your wings and find my safety in Your strong tower. You are The Almighty. You can do anything. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. I lift (name) to You today and trust that You will work and accomplish Your will in their life for their good and for Your glory, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
When Things Don’t Go As Planned
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
Sometimes the outcome is not about the immediate satisfaction and completion of our plans, but more about the eternal impact that God will allow a story, a situation, and a change of plans to have on others.
When I was growing up, my family had friends who served as missionaries in Brazil. They were in a remote area and much of their ministry depended on a plane fitted with pontoons to allow for river landings. There were no airstrips in the jungle. (That’s likely still very true today.)
Every four years, this family returned to the United States for furlough. They would stay locally and then visit their supporting churches and update everyone on their ministry. It was a busy time for them, but for us, it was a time to catch up on friendships and enjoy one another’s company. The kids especially enjoyed playing together and renewing those friendships.
When I was in 6th grade, the family was home on furlough and there was much excitement as they were getting a new plane for their ministry. Dave, their father, asked my dad if he would like to go along with him to the west coast to pick up the new plane. My dad loved flying and had experience, having been in the Air Force. He was a great guy to have along- not only for good company, but he was good in a crisis. Dad eagerly agreed and the excitement began to build. The men would fly out to the West Coast to get the plane and then they would make their way back across the US. Their route was carefully planned and we had the list of airports where they would takeoff and land as they traveled. The trip would be complete when they landed in Philadelphia. Then, when the family’s furlough ended, they would take the plane back to Brazil where they served. There was much excitement about it all!
I remember watching my dad pack for the trip. He borrowed my suitcase and I was so proud that my dad wanted to use my suitcase. But along with the expected clothes and personal things he needed, he packed a special box. I was intrigued as I saw him put in flares, a knife, a first aid kit and other things that were very unusual for a trip. Curious, I asked him, “why?”. He explained that they were flying over some remote areas, like Brice Canyon, and if they had an emergency and the plane went down, they needed to be prepared for survival.
As an adult, this might have sparked worry and concern. Questions could have poured out about “what-if’s and why’s” But I trusted my dad completely. He was smart. He was kind. He never gave me reason to doubt his actions or his love for me. I happily went on my way and when the day came to say goodbye, we all saw the men off at the airport and then eagerly awaited updates as they made their way back.
They would take turns calling home. One night Dave would call his family, the next would be my Dad calling us. Each family would share updates and progress of the trip with one another.
But just a couple of days into the trip, we got a call that was confusing and unexpected. “We lost the plane.” “You lost the plane?” we asked. “How do you lose a plane?” “Where did it go?” We were so confused. There was no ‘facetime’ or skype. There were no mobile phones. Landlines and descriptive words limited the story and in order to not worry us too much, words were few. The story would unfold over the coming days.
We received another call that gave more information. “We went down.” “Wait, what?! You went down? But you’re okay, right?” Phone calls and messages flew back and forth and, in their own way, each man shared the story of what happened until the details started to become clear to those of us who were waiting and wondering.
Upon takeoff in New Mexico, things took a turn. The plane began climbing and then, encountered a wind sheer. They lost altitude and quickly went down. The plane hit the ground, flipped over and slid through a fence.
The workers at the small airport saw what happened and rushed to help, but they were afraid of what they would find in the mangled mess of wreckage. They knew it was unlikely to have a positive outcome. It was bad.
But when the airport employees got to the plane, both men were out of the plane, standing upright and surveying the damage. There was not a scratch on them! The only damage to person and property was a chipped tooth and a broken suitcase handle (yep, THAT suitcase). The plane was a total loss, but the lives of the men were perfectly preserved. It wasn’t until we saw pictures that we truly understood the magnitude of what our fathers survived.
God was so gracious. Things could have ended so differently, yet it was not in His plan to allow it. A few days later, we all trekked back to the Philadelphia airport to pick up the men who, just a few days before, left with much excitement and joy anticipating the adventure ahead. It was a full circle moment and yet, in the course of those few days, so much had happened we still couldn’t grasp it all. God was always in control. Even when it seemed things were spinning out of control, every second, every movement and every action was perfectly in His hand and meted out according to God’s sovereignty.
There were so many things we wondered, but foremost, why would God allow that brand new plane to crash? Why would He allow an investment for the ministry to be destroyed? Why didn’t He prevent this tragedy? The greater question was, and still is, what impact did this have on others and how would God use this?
God allowed the disaster to happen where others could witness the miracle. Those airport workers saw God perform a mighty act right in front of them and our dads were sure to tell them why they walked out of that plane. It was nothing less than God’s mighty hand of protection and His plan for their life that ensured they would walk away from that accident. Their testimony was strong.
God affirmed to our families that He is in control. We can plan all we want, but God determines the outcome. This time God made it clear that His plan looked differently than ours.
God showed his abundant mercy. He provided powerful protection in a situation that, by all accounts, should have left two families without their husbands and fathers. That wasn’t lost on us. We knew God’s plan and power defied human wisdom and understanding.
We understood that ‘fate’ shouldn’t be a word in the believer’s vocabulary. Psalm 139:16 “...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God ordains our days. He determines each one. We will only step into eternity and His presence when He decides our time here is done. Until then, we should live to serve Him and not fear the ‘what if’s’. When we invest our thoughts and emotions in worrying about the ‘what-if’s’, we delve into ‘fortune telling’ and exhibit a lack of trust for God and His sovereignty. Our God is bigger than our fears, our imagination and our insecurities. We can rest in that. We must.
Trusting God took on new meaning to each of us. It became a mighty object lesson that we could each recall and every time, it would bring a flood of assurance and comfort that God truly is in control and nothing happens that He does not allow. His ways are perfect; we can trust Him.
No, things did not go as planned. But there were two men, two wives and seven children who saw the power of God work mightily. There were several airport workers who witnessed a miraculous survival. The decades of testimony from each family member to others of God’s goodness and mercy continues. It’s evident that the plan was not to get a new plane to Brazil, but to share the testimony of God’s mighty protection and power.
I kept that suitcase for many years- the handle wired back into place. Each time I looked at it, memories of that event would surface along with reassurance that I could trust my Heavenly Father. He is smart. He is kind and He’s never given me reason to doubt his actions or his love for me. I can make my plans, but trust that if God opts to change them, it’s for good reason. I can rest in His sovereignty.
Today, let’s pray that our sons and daughters are willing to trust God with their plans. Pray that when things don’t go as expected, that they continue to trust that God is Sovereign and His purposes are beyond our understanding. Pray that even when things come crashing down, they will believe, with conviction, that He works ALL things for good; they can trust Him completely. He is faithful. He is kind. He will never give us reason to doubt His actions or his love for us.
“Heavenly Father, I pray that (name) would always be willing to allow You to work in their life. Help them to be flexible enough to set aside their good plan for Your better plan, even if it seems to undo or be opposite of what they desired. I pray (name) never to be insistent and demanding to have their own way, fighting against You or competing with You. Help them to always hold the things of this world loosely so they would not be derailed when things don’t go their way. Give them insight and discernment to see that You are always working and help them to practice humility, to step aside and allow you to work. Lord, when devastating things come, and I know they will, give them courage to trust You and peace to know that You will work all things for good. But help them to understand that ‘all things for good’ is an eternal reference (Rom. 8:28) and that in this world, we will have trouble, but You have overcome this world (Jn 16:33).”
“I pray that (name) would understand that Your goodness and love is not gauged by how trouble-free their life is. Increase (name)’s faith. Help them to continue to grow stronger through each circumstance and hardship they encounter; and let them see You work and move- open their eyes, Lord. And if they can’t see you working, help them to trust and be confident that You are. Let them fix their eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor 4:18). Help them to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). Lord, strengthen (name)’s conviction to follow after You with their whole heart. Don’t let them waver or stumble. Help them to continuously and joyfully surrender to You so that their life is a reflection of Jesus to others. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.