Praying for a Godly Spouse
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:10-12
As our sons and daughters grow into adulthood, our ability to impact their choices begins to diminish. We hope and pray that the things we taught them about God, about Scripture, about living a life that pleases the Lord, are deeply rooted. But we no longer have the ability to steer them away from influences that may be negative or unproductive and we have little say in the friends they choose, especially if they’re living at a distance. Parenting adult children is challenging.
When it comes to finding a spouse, there are challenges there, too. Though we hope our son or daughter would choose to make their decision based on our discernment and approval, by the time the relationship reaches that point, our beloved child may have already made up their mind… our input is just a formality. That’s hard to take, isn’t it?
But we’re not powerless! Not at all. We can make a huge impact on their life choices by talking to the Father and asking for His guidance, His intervention, and His protection. We can ask the He would give our son or daughter His best- better than we could choose or imagine!
So, how do we pray? Many of us likely began praying when our children were just little ones, praying that God would be preparing a godly husband or wife for them. Here’s the thing, don’t stop. Don’t stop praying like that. God will bring the right person at the right time, or make it clear He has a plan that asks our son or daughter to remain single. We need to be okay with that. We need to pray that our children would be okay with whatever God asks of them, too. Because isn’t that the best?
Here are some prayer points we can pray for both future husbands and future wives, and for our sons and daughters, all tied to Scripture.
Pray that they would be like Christ and that He would mold them and shape their heart and mind to be like Him. (Philippians 2:5; Ephesians 4:14-15)
Ask the Lord to make their words (and heart) authentic, not just filled with knowledge, but seasoned with grace (I Corinthians 13:1; Colossians 4:6)
Pray they would exhibit patience and kindness (1 Corinthians 13:4)
they would not be jealous or envious, but truly want the best for others and would celebrate when they have success or honor (1 Corinthians 13:4; Romans 12:15)
Ask God to help them value others before themselves (Philippians 2:3)
Pray that they would have a precise and correct knowledge of Scripture that would enable them to love others well (not to be puffed up with knowledge) and that they would be discerning in the teaching they listen to and the leaders they follow. (Philippians 1:9)
Pray that they would hide God’s word in their heart to keep them from sin (Psalm 119:11)
And pray that God’s word would be a lamp to their feet and a light to their path (Psalm 119:105)
Pray God’s protection over them, so they would keep their way pure by living according to God’s word (Psalm 119:9)
Ask the Lord to keep them legalism and that He would help them truly understand God’s grace and the freedom He gives to trust Jesus alone for salvation (Ephesians 2:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).
Pray that they would not lean into the world’s standards or be pressured to compromise to be accepted, but that they would stand for God’s truth, unwaveringly. (Hebrews 10:23)
Ultimately, pray that God would cultivate two people who, together, would have a godly marriage that would reflect Christ and the Church, surrender and obedience, love and protection, selflessness and sacrifice no matter the circumstances, because their hope is in Jesus and not in the other person to whom they are married.
There are so many things we can pray to this end; this is just the start. Add to the list as you pray and let the Holy Spirit guide your words and your petitions. The words of Scripture are always powerful and effective, it is the most you can do. Let’s God’s word do the speaking for you.
And pray for both the ‘unknown’ future spouse and for your son or daughter, that God would prepare their hearts and cultivate in them the qualities that are important for a God-centered relationship to be developed in His time and His way.
If your son or daughter is already married, pray that God would grow them in these areas. Pray that He would build a strong, God-honoring marriage that would be a testimony of His grace and redemption.
Why not write out a prayer, and then, when the time is right, share it with the one for whom you’ve been praying. What a precious gift that could be for the ‘other’, knowing that they’ve been prayed for and seeing the Scripture that’s been spoken over them, even before they were known to you.
Pray without ceasing!
Passing through the Valley
“Blessed are those whose strength is in You, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.” Psalm 84:5-7
The Valley of Baka in Psalms is also known as the valley of weeping. We can all likely look to a time when we experienced a difficult, dark time. Maybe we encountered hardship and it seemed as if we were in a dark valley of grief or sorrow that weighed us down and seemed to last longer than we had strength to endure.
It’s one thing to go through it personally, but ask any parent who has watched their son or daughter go through hard things and they’ll tell you, it’s not only difficult, it’s downright painful. We want to fix it. We want to bring it to a quick end. We want to make everything okay and get things “back to normal”, yet, we’re powerless to do it.
As parents, the valley experience of our children calls us to a deep and abiding faith in Jesus. It calls us to trust Him more than we can see in front of us. It calls us to rely on His strength and Sovereignty over our own power and ingenuity. It asks us to relinquish our parental ‘controls’ and trust in the One Who parents them best. The valley is a tough place to be, that’s certain. And, as parents, we can either be the voice of spiritual encouragement that points our son or daughter to Jesus, or a detractor that pulls their focus to their current situation and supports their despair.
But Psalm 84 gives us a beautiful, powerful picture of the valley as a place of victory, not defeat. Yes, the Psalmist writes about being in the valley of weeping, but he says, “Blessed are those whose strength is in You, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.” Blessed. It’s the Hebrew word “eser” and it means “happiness, or how happy” (1). Our sons and daughters can experience deep happiness and joy, in spite of the valley experience if they’re focused on Jesus! They may be in the valley, but if they’re still pursuing Jesus, they are blessed!! Their location and their situation do not determine their joy. Jesus is joy!! That’s a lesson we should all be reminded of daily.
The second thing to remember is that the valley isn’t their destination, it’s just a part of the journey. And the valley shouldn’t be the focus of their heart, the passage to Jesus should be their focus! The joy is generated and determined by the Source of their strength. The One who walks every step of the way with them through the valley and the One in whose Presence they long to stand. The journey is one of reliance on Jesus and trust in His Presence and leading.
Not only will the valley bring blessings, but it can become a place of refreshing. Imagine that! A valley of weeping becomes a journey of refreshing?! “As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.” The word “spring” in Hebrew is the word “mayan” and it means "fountain or source of satisfaction” (2). Psalm 87:7 gives us another perspective on Who and what that fountain represents, “All my fountains are in You.” In other words, all of my blessings and Source of joy, delight and pleasure are in You, Lord. The valley doesn’t supply the source of satisfaction, the believer traveling the valley does through his full reliance on Christ and his delight in His presence. So, if our sons and daughters are in the valley, they can make it a place bubbling with delight, joy and pleasure if they remain focused on and grounded in the Lord. Blessings bubbling over, generatd by the Source of Life.
Then, there are the autumn rains. To some that may seem odd, but in Israel, the hot dry summer gives way to autumn rain that softens the soil and makes it pliable, easily broken up for cultivation and planting. It creates fertile ground- and isn’t that what God seeks to create in our hearts? The autumn rains in the valley of weeping can soften hearts and make them ready to receive the Word and be fruitful. The springs and fountains of delight, pleasure, and joy along with the refreshing, nourishing rains that soften the hardened ground make the trek through the valley a journey from strength to strength. This word, strength, is “hayil” in Hebrew and it means “resources, ability, and might” (3). Do you see? God uses the valley to bring joy in Him- not generated by our circumstances. He brings delight, not in the location, but in His Presence. He brings growth because of the believer’s focus and reliance on Him, not on the situation or location. He draws the traveler to Himself and in doing so, the situation and location become secondary.
Finally, the destination of walking through the valley is the anticipation of standing before God, in His presence. Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your Presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.” If our heart is set on pilgrimage to God’s presence and Jesus is our Guide and Companion, there is strength and joy in the journey because we know the valley isn’t the destination, nor does it hold what we’re seeking, and there is so much more that awaits us. We will ALL stand before the Lord, whether we intend that as our destination or not. It is determined beforehand for us.
How will we pray for our sons and daughters in their faith journey? Will we pray the valley is short and the weeping is minimal? That’s likely and why wouldn’t we? God understands our parent-heart well. But, maybe we should pray that the focus of our son or daughter is Jesus alone and that He would be their source of joy, delight and strength. And maybe, just maybe, we should pray for autumn rains that soften the ground of their hearts so they can receive the Word of God and bear fruit. Perhaps we should pray that their journey is not just a short one, but is one of moving from strength to strength until they appear before God in Zion and that ultimately, they would hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Let’s pray that the valley is a place of blessing and growth and that if He wills, the Lord would allow us a window on all of it while we lift our sons and daughters in prayer. There are features of the valley experience that can lead us and our sons and daughters to a stronger, more certain faith. And yes, even deep joy. That’s how we can pray effectively and fervently for their journey.
Pray without ceasing.
1. H835 - 'ešer - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h835/kjv/wlc/0-1/
2. H4599 - maʿyān - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h4599/niv/wlc/0-1/
3. H2428 - ḥayil - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h2428/niv/wlc/0-1/